It’s such a lovely notion that when you see or talk to or
think about someone you love your heart races. How romantic, right?! We’ve had
this concept shoved down our throats by poets, writers, singers, songwriters
and horny bastards looking for a shag at 3AM. It’s nice, really. It sounds so
deep and meaningful. But let’s face it kids, it’s all just hormonal. It’s your
brain giving you hits of adrenaline, epinephrine and norepinephrine which makes
you all crazy and weird and forces your heart to beat real fast. I get that
same feeling when I open a bill or hear that Elijah Wood is going to star in a
new film, so it is NOT always a positive thing. But even though the science
tells me to stop reading into this whole “your heart tells you who you love” phenomenon,
I still can’t shake that romantic side of me. You know... the little girl who
watches ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ over and over again and thinks that the guy who
serves her coffee is actually her soul mate. She’s soo annoying, that bitch.
But I’ll give her this; she’s determined. No matter how many times she gets
proven wrong or slapped across the face by love, she keeps on truckin.
The motivation behind this rant is that I keep in contact
with a couple of my exes and one of them always has this affect on me when I
hear from him. My heart races and my stupid, half-dead, almost-always-drunk
brain takes this as some kind of sign that we’re supposed to be together. We’re
not, obviously. If we were supposed to be together, we’d be together. If we
were truly meant for each other, we wouldn’t hurt and frustrate each other as
much as we do. If he was really the love of my life, I wouldn’t sometimes impersonate
him in the mirror and then laugh manically. I know it’s not to be, like Britney
Spears as an actress... that dog just won’t hunt. But all the logic and reason
in the world doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m about to have a heart attack
whenever I see an email or text from him.
And my mother is no help whatsoever. She takes this heart
racing thing way more seriously than she should, screaming at me to do
everything in my power to get my ex back. She adores this man; she would marry
him in a second if my dad wasn’t around. Seriously, she’d get all ‘Death Becomes
Her’ on my ass (minus the eternal life thing) if she were single. She’d get
super hot and steal Bruce Willis from me as I slowly age and my showbiz career
flops, and she wouldn’t feel a single pang of guilt about it. Obviously I am
Meryl Streep in the scenario and she is Goldie Hawn, because if given the
option, I will ALWAYS be Meryl Streep. She is amazing and looking at her makes
me feel like I am swimming in a pool of strawberry cider with Billie Holiday
serenading me from the patio. And let’s be honest, that’s what TRUE love should
feel like. Which is not how I felt with the ex.
Don’t get me wrong, it was pretty close. I loved him a lot,
but near the end it was more like swimming in a pool of coopers sparkling with the Mighty
Mighty Bosstones singing from the patio. But after a while, you realise that
they only had like... one or two really awesome songs and the rest sounded a
bit generic. And after a while coopers sparkling gets really heavy and hard to
drink, plus it makes you stupid drunk.
What I’ve discovered is that this whole heart racing thing
is nice. It reminds me that there are people out there who are so fantastic and
unique and special that it will cause my body and mind to have powerful
feelings of love (or something like it) towards them. It reminds me that I will
not be apathetic towards relationships and love forever. It gives me hope and
optimism and also a wicked case of hyperactivity. But also it reminds me not to
take it all so seriously. It’s not the be all and end all; it’s really just
your brain being a kind of over-perky cheerleader for love and as we all know,
cheerleaders can be right bullies. The best way to deal with a bully is to
ignore them. Eventually they’ll get bored and leave you alone. Either way, you’ll
survive. TRUST me, you will. If we, as a society, can survive the films of Vin
Diesel then we can survive anything.
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